Scorch Hits Rock Bottom: No Bank Account, No Job, Begging for Dog Walking Gigs
"If you have no savings account, that's me. If you have no checking account, that's me. If you have no 401k, that's me. Do yourself a favor — don't retire." — Scorch
Scorch, the legendary radio personality who became a running joke on Opie and Anthony and later a WATP fixture, has hit absolute rock bottom — and somehow managed to make a bit out of it. In a YouTube video titled "What Is Scorch Up To," the former radio DJ revealed he is now "officially retired" (his word for unemployable), has no savings account, no checking account, no 401k, and is supplementing his fixed income by dog walking and pet sitting. Scorch — real name unknown to most, but known to all Dabbleverse fans as the host of PFGTV and inventor of segments like "Doucher Dressing" and "Wheel of Meat" — spent years bouncing between radio stations in Boston, Manchester, and Syracuse before running out of options. His previous venture, the Dive Bar Locator App, failed spectacularly. His latest idea? "Scorches Booze, Brews, and Chews" — essentially the same concept rebranded, a bar and restaurant finder app available on the Google Play Store. The app has no link shared, no QR code, no website, and Scorch can't even explain what it does beyond "do you drink and eat? Because bars have that and that's where we come in." The Blind Mike crew was simultaneously heartbroken and entertained. "What are the odds that one of the 597 people who watched this video lives near Scorch and wants him to walk their dog?" Mike asked. Casey noted that Scorch's dog walking prices — $20 to show up, $25 for a 45-minute walk — seemed ambitious for a man with zero dollars to his name. But everyone agreed that Scorch's relentlessly positive attitude in the face of total financial ruin was genuinely endearing. "Credit to Scorch — even on the brink of grim death, he's having a good time with this," Mike said. Anthony Cumia stepped in with what everyone agreed was the obvious solution: Scorch needs to start livestreaming and grifting like Stuttering John and Steel Toe. "Study them, Scorch. Learn how to go on every night and beg," Cumia advised. "Some of these guys have proven you don't have to give them shit. While they give you money, you shit-talk them." The Blind Mike crew offered to help Scorch set up his streaming operation, noting that his 31,000 YouTube subscribers and built-in fanbase